Yes, this is for real!
At first I though, oh great, another crank, but by the end he (I doubt it was a she) had me laughing. Whoever the mystery author is, look me up when you get to Amsterdam and I'll buy you a beer...
Dear Mr. Sterling,
I recently read your amusing column regarding the potential disappearance of the magic mushroom from smart shops in Amsterdam, due to a few isolated cases of misuse by teenagers. In reading, it certainly seems as though you are strongly in support of this measure. I am outraged at this, as are most of the people with whom I am associated. What, I ask you, do you know about it? Are you stationed in Amsterdam currently? Have you ever taken a magic mushroom yourself? I thought not.
The varying points made throughout your poorly written column were the points of an inexperienced drug user. Having never ingested hallucinogens, how can you possibly be expected to understand what races through the mind of someone with a head full of mushrooms? You can't possibly know the paranoid dementia that is the sweet juicy innard of a mushroom trip. You can't say for certain that the people in the three cases you mentioned were not entirely justified in their actions on those nights. Is it conjecture or fact that no one was chasing the young man who leapt from the balcony? Just because you choose not to believe that the Danish driver who tore through a campsite was doing so in order to destroy last vestiges of the evil spirirt of Lucifer himself, do not think you can force those views on the rest of us. You are hopeless when it comes to psycotropic fungi my friend. I suggest you stick to what miniscule talents you have, perhaps you can arrange to be transferred to a more suitable assignment.
I find this column to be the lowest of the low, the yellowest of yellow journalism. You sir ought to be ashamed of yourself. You are a hack, and I am hereby actively calling for your immediate resignation, as well as an apology to the good people of Amsterdamn, and mushroom purveyors and enthusiasts the world over.
There is no more so don't click "more"
Did you really think there would be any more?